only your heart can bear this weight
by citigirl13
Summary: Clarke and Bellamy love each other. But this doesn't mean it's not painful for others. POV from Wells, Finn, Raven, Lexa and Echo. One-shot.


**A/N:** Am so tired but I wanted to post this fic. To be honest I'm not really happy with it, but I've had a bit of writer's block, so I want to get back in the swing of it. I hope people actually enjoy it, though it feels a bit confused to me.

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 **DISCLAIMER:** **I do NOT own** _ **The 100**_ **or any of the characters; I also do not own** _ **The Vampire Diaries**_ **or any of the quotes.**

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 **only your heart can bear this weight**

" _Somewhere along the way, you decided I was worth saving."_

Damon Salvatore, _The Vampire Diaries_ 1x22, "Founders Day"

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In all great love stories, other people's hearts are always stepped on.

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 **i. Wells (Clarke)**

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He's been in love with her since they were kids.

As in, since they were babies and his mother was still alive, and they could barely form sentences but somehow communicated. She's Clarke Griffin, and she is everything – bold and beautiful and brazen and benevolent and breath-taking, and though there are hundreds of kids that would love to be her friend, she picks _him._

He reminds himself of that all the time.

And then her dad is floated, and she blames him – and he lets her, because love is all about sacrifice, and he cannot see Clarke's face – clenched like a fist, pinched like she's in pain – when she loses another parent.

Because he loves her, he follows her down to Earth with the delinquents. It's the last thing he wants to do, to be quite frank, because these are _not_ his people. But Clarke is knocked out beside him and he can't just let her die on Earth. At least not without him being present to make sure she is remembered.

(He should have known that she doesn't need him to make sure she is remembered. When the definition of _unforgettable_ is added into the dictionary, Clarke Griffin's picture will be right next to it.)

But it's not the same.

Even when she forgives him, he knows it's not the same. Knows it, since the very first second she abandoned him to go with the others to get food, that's it's not the same. Knows it when she and the other kid – _Finn,_ with his long hair and dark eyes and little smirk that makes you think you know everything about him when you actually know nothing and _God_ , is Clarke really that predictable? – make eyes and each other, Clarke half-way to being drunk.

And then there's that other kid. Bellamy Blake.

In another world, he and Bellamy would be best friends, because it's quite clear that he doesn't belong with these kids either. He's also a pretty decent leader. The kids, they look at him like he is the gods of the olden days, before no one had breached the sky, and when he issues an order they all jump to it.

Optimistically, he likes to think that they would have listened to him eventually; that the kids just wanted someone to lead them, and Bellamy Blake with his tight jaw and loud voice, the love of his sister woven in with his determination, fits the bill perfectly.

Truthfully Bellamy Blake is a born leader, and people will always listen to him.

He sees the connection between Clarke and Bellamy, for the first time, on the night he dies. When a scream echoed through the woods, Clarke takes off before either Finn or he can move. When they finally make it back to camp, Clarke appears with Bellamy. He stares hard at his best friend, but there is a distant look in her eyes, something that he is cut off from. When he looks at the Blake boy, he is surprised that he can read him better. His words are low as if he doesn't want anyone else to hear, yet surprising clear: "Get Clarke whatever she needs."

Clarke must hear the words as she heads back to the drop ship, but she doesn't turn around. It's Bellamy that is staring after her, a slight frown on his face and those eyes –

Oh yes, it all makes sense. Wells has seen his own reflection in the mirror enough times to recognise when someone is falling for Clarke Griffin.

(Loving Clarke Griffin is not a choice. It is a damn privilege.

Even if he does resent her a little for it.)

All things considered, excluding his own death, Wells likes to think that he would have stood a better chance with her.

("You remind me of Wells," she blurts out, and then bites her lip.

Bellamy looks at her, and by his expression it's clear he doesn't know how to response to that.

"I mean, you two were pretty similar."

Finally he snorts. "Yeah, 'cause the prince had everything while my mother had to struggle and gain favours, and he wasn't hiding a little sister underneath the floor-" And then he jerks his head away, a struggle on his face.

She knows him well enough to read his expression; from her position she stretches across the table, her hand just touching his. "It's okay to speak ill of the dead," she says, and then blushes, as if questioning her own words.

He just shakes his head at her. "I just don't get how you can compare the two of us."

"I don't get how you don't see it," she corrects. "You're both leaders, though I think Wells would have been a more peaceful sort than you. And neither of you are afraid of making the hard choices."

"You're better at that than me." Their eyes meet, Atom's body lying between them; how Clarke could make the decision that Bellamy couldn't.

"Wells wouldn't be able to do it either," she murmurs in his ear, her mouth brushing against it.

He smiles, though she doesn't see it; remembers the way Jaha would look at her, with stars in his eyes. "You've always been stronger than most.")

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 **ii. (Bellamy)**

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He can't help it if Earth agrees with him, and suddenly every girl finds him gorgeous (besides a chosen few but, hey, even Raven sleeps with him eventually, and she had a knife to his throat three minutes after meeting). Girls have always looked him over even on the Ark and, if he hadn't been terrified of someone finding Octavia, he probably would have reciprocated.

Now though, he's in charge, and girls are finding every excuse to talk to him. And well, he's only human.

For a while he has plenty of time to have sex, and their names – Quinn, Edie, Roma, Lillie, Nicola – flutter like butterflies in his head, disappearing as soon as they leave the tent. A few show signs of wanting to get closer to him, but that's not going to happen.

Here's the secret that Bellamy hides, from everyone except maybe O, who has always been able to see through the bullshit he puts on:

He hates himself. And as soon as someone likes him, he begins to despise them – because he can't understand why anyone in their right mind would want to be with him.

("I need you," she tells him, and something lights up in his chest. The weight lifts, and for the first time he sees his worth. They need him. _She_ needs him.

She thinks he's worth saving.

Even though he doesn't want to admit it, it means everything to him.)

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 **iii. Finn (Clarke)**

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He was never much of a reader, but on the Ark there was this big book of fairytales that he would pour over. He loved the way the people talked about the prince, how they looked at him in the pictures – and there is a full page of the princess, looking out the window, smiling at the prince like she's seen the sun for the first time.

When Clarke's feet land on the ground, her smile reminds him of that.

For one glorious night, she is his, and he is the one to make her smile.

But in truth, she never belongs to him. And when Raven lands (" _Finn,"_ she cries, racing to him, her face filled and heart open) any hold that he had on her slips through his fingers like threads of smoke. He sees her face when Raven kisses him, sees it change. It's not dramatic, but the way the smile on her face withers makes his stomach twist.

She eats him up, completely and absolutely, tearing into him right from the inside. He lays his heart on the line for her, and she hurls it back at him.

(At least he will admit that he threw hers away first, even if he hadn't meant to.)

He dies with her sweet name of his lips.

(Clarke was never the princess in the story. She's the hero, the lost cause, the saviour.

She will always save herself, rather than waiting for a prince to sweep her away to safety.)

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 **iii (b). Raven (Clarke)**

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Finn dies with Clarke's name on his lips and in his heart.

Even though she knows she is his family, that she has a place with him that no one else does, it still hurts.

Before Clarke, Earth would have been a beautiful place for them: they could have spent the summer lying in the grass, running their hands over the fresh ground and picking flowers to carry back with them, laughing as the rain fell. Sometimes she closes her eyes and imagines that she's lying beside him, her head turned into his shoulder, lying beneath the open sky.

Clarke is one of her best friends. She knows it's not entirely her fault.

It's still hard not to resent her a little, especially because Finn went to that village in search of Clarke. If he had never met her, never fallen for her, he would have stayed with her at Camp Jaha. Or even if he had gone with the others, searching for the missing 48, he would never have exploded like that.

Sometimes late at night she knows that's not true. It still hurts though, an invisible bruise that is sore whenever pressed.

She learns to live without him.

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 **iv. Lexa (Clarke)**

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She falls for her, really, when she watches Clarke kill her beloved. She doesn't realise it at the time, but there is something that hits a note with her. Perhaps it's because she knows what it's like, to lose the one your love because of your position.

As their alliance continues, Lexa falls deeper. It's the way Clarke stands up for her beliefs; the way she faces the warriors, staring them down even though they're twice her size. She's a fighter. She watches the young leader, even younger than she, get up the morning after Finn dies and take charge. Exactly as she had to do when Costia died.

There's something in her gaze too, when Clarke looks at her. Maybe. She thinks. To be honest, she's not sure of anything at all.

No, that's not true. She's sure that Clarke's relationship with Bellamy is not simply a friendship.

Firstly, her ceaseless belief that Bellamy will make it into the Mountain boarders on child-like. Lexa looks at the girl and wonders how she will take the news that he dies. She has not seen the girl cry over Finn's death. She cannot imagine her reaction to Bellamy will be much different.

But as the battle draws closer, and as Bellamy proves again and again to have more than nine lives, she begins to assess her evaluation of this. Clarke goes on about him often, worrying whether he will survive. She questions her decision often, his name never far from her lips.

It's enough to grate against Lexa, a wound that is gnawed open before it fully heals.

Finally, after a confrontation with Clarke – after she admits her feelings, when Clarke doesn't out-rightly rebuff her – she kisses her.

It lasts long enough for her to know that she hasn't misread Clarke's signals; that a part of her wants her too. She doesn't kiss like Costia: her kisses are hesitant, soft, like she's unsure whether this is right. Costia was never afraid of showing of affection, not caring who was staring at them. When Lexa tries to deepen the kiss, Clarke pulls away.

"I'm not ready," she says, looking straight at Lexa, "to be with anyone." And Lexa's eyelashes flutter a little, attempting to shy away from the truth: that Clarke is not ready because she still has a gap in her heart after Finn and is waiting for Bellamy to rebuild it. She is just the space between the two.

She thanks the spirits that the war starts then, so she has something else to focus on. But every step towards battle, every word exchanged with Clarke, is like being stabbed by a hundred tiny pin-pricks all at once.

And even though her mind should be on the battle, she finds herself asking Clarke what she will do when it's over.

The girl looks straight ahead. "I have no idea," she answers truthfully.

"What do you want?"

 _Me_ , she thinks, begs. _Say me._

 _Don't say Bellamy._

"Nothing," she says. Finally she looks at her. "My people back. I can't think past today."

Lexa invites her to come to the capital with her, and though she answers with a compliment, she doesn't say yes. This time the pain goes straight to her heart, and she knows: there will be no trip to Polis. Bellamy will make it through as he always does, and Clarke will stay with him. She will break Lexa's heart without even trying.

So when the opportunity comes up to save her people, she knows she needs to take it. Clarke will never understand; she will always put her people first. The fact that Lexa has left them to die will be unforgiveable in her eyes.

Lexa breaks Clarke's heart before she can do the same to her.

(But deep down she knows it's already too late.

She will pretend it wasn't.)

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 **v. Echo (Bellamy)**

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Echo knows that she's lucky to have survived against the Mountain Men. And while she knows that she should be grateful towards Lexa, she spares a thought for the Sky boy, the one with fire burning in his eyes. She doesn't even know his name, if he ever told her it; yet she stays awake thinking about him.

He saved her life. She would have died if he had not stepped in.

She finds herself going for an "explore" in the direction of the Sky People's camp. Her people caution her, but Echo reasons that an alliance with them would not be a bad thing. They understand the weapons that the Mountain Men used and – perhaps they could teach _them_ how to use these weapons. It has to be her – she has taken back the command of her people, and as the leader, she must make the first move.

Though her clan protests, she goes alone. Perhaps it's wrong, but she doesn't believe that they will attack her.

She walks through the woods when she literally steps into the middle of a hunting party. She freezes when they stare at her, and even though guns are being turned in her direction, she thanks the spirits that it isn't another clan she has run into. They would not hesitate to attack her.

Her eyes swivel round and Echo's heart leaps when she finds him. Their eyes meet and he is already lowering his weapon.

"Hold your fire!"

One of the others turns to him, eyes wide, but before he can say anything the Sky boy says, "I know her. She's – a friend."

A few look like they will object, but they lower her weapons. He makes a sign with his hand and they move on, but he strides towards her. "That was stupid," he says bluntly.

Far from being insulted, she feels a smile curving on her face. "Not as stupid as you were, risking your life invading the Mountain."

"It worked, didn't it?" He doesn't return her smile. Instead she sees his eyes flicker in the background, as if he's watching out for something. "You should get back to your territory. I've been teaching civilians to hunt, and they're a bit wary of Grounders."

"We're not all the same, you know."

"I do." He nods, as if dismissing her, and she feels a flicker in her chest, and it's like she wants to grab hold of him.

"I was wondering whether you needed any help."

His eyebrows knit together and he's already half-turned in the other direction. "I think we've managed well enough without you."

Echo feels a spark then, like irritation or anger. Or something. "I'm offering you an alliance. You could do with one. Our clan would align with yours."

He pauses, his feet shifting on the ground. "I don't do politics."

"Really? You seem like a leader to me."

She means it as a compliment, but his face curls into itself, turning to stone. "I'll mention it to our chancellor. Meet me back here in three days to find our answer. Come alone."

She's more than willing to come back, and she does so alone. So does he, though he's carrying a gun with him like it's a shield. "They're interested," he admits, and she has to work to keep the grin off her face. "We would like you to teach us a bit about finding vegetation in the winter. It's growing cooler, and it'll be our first one."

"I'll work with you," she agrees. When he asks what she wants in return, she mutters about their weapons and knowledge and he nods, accepting it.

(That's not what she's really after.)

Weeks go by and she leads him to caves that keep plants alive, that taste bitter but give you protein and strength. And as it gets cooler, she shows him how to lure wolves and bears, teaches him the best method to skin them for their fur. He doesn't trust her, she can see by the way he eyes her. She bites her tongue and maintains her patience.

Finally she gets a smile from him, when she mentions his attachment to his gun. He stops keeping a gaze on her when he's aiming at prey. And once, when she slips one new ice and lands flat on her back, he bursts out laughing.

"That's nice," huffs Echo, though inside she's grinning. His laugh is deep, coming straight from his belly, and he cuts it off quickly like it's a regret.

"I apologise," he says, and he holds out a hand for her. She stands, unable to stop the smile on her face now.

It takes a while, but she gets him to open up a little. It starts with innocent questions about his family, and she learns about his sister. When he speaks about Octavia she hears his love for her, his tight grip on his gun assuring her protection. He tells her about life on the Ark, and she explains of her own childhood before becoming commander. He never asks about their ways of life, but she knows he's interested, despite himself, by the way he tilts his head when she's talking, how he looks at her when she pauses.

One evening, the sun is going down as they're heading back after dividing rations between them. He turns to say goodbye and, with the speed of a warrior, she kisses him. She feels him hesitate before his lips soften against hers, his steel melting down. Her heart flutters in her chest, an emotion she's never had before, but when she reaches to put her hands on him he breaks away. Painful – like a child being torn from its mother's arms.

"I'm sorry," he says, swallowing. "I'm not ready."

That should be enough for Echo. A commander knows when to retreat as well as when to fight. But her mouth opens and she asks, "Did you lose someone? In the Mountain?"

His lips thin. "Not exactly. I'm waiting."

"For what?"

"For-" He swallows again and jerks his head away. "For her to return."

She pauses, trying to figure out the best way to ask her questions. Giving up all attempts at casualness, she says, "Why are you waiting for her? What makes her so special?" Her words are sharper than they should be.

"Nothing – nothing in particular. It's just-" His voice catches and he clears it. "When you find something real, you can't walk away – even if it's hard, or if it hurts. You can't walk away, even if you want to."

When he speaks she sees movement in his gaze, as if he's not really looking at her. She thinks of all the times his eyes flittered past her when they were in the forest, and wonders now whether he was looking for someone.

He walks away without a nod or a goodbye. She feels her chest sink down, and it takes effort for her to turn away.

She doesn't bother waiting for him again.

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Only certain hearts can bear certain weights. Once you find another heart willing to take it on, you don't let it go.

Bellamy stays in camp, waiting for her return.

Clarke goes through the woods, waiting for the pain to abate.

They are both waiting for someday.

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" _When it's real you can't walk away."_

Elena Gilbert, _The Vampire Diaries_ 1x11, "Bloodlines"

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 **A/N:** Two things:

1) I wanted to show Clarke and Bellamy's relationship can be painful for the others, rather than necessarily focusing on their relationship. It's a bit of a drabble, but I hope that came off.

2) I love these _Vampire Diaries_ quotes, and I'm so glad I finally used them!

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 **Hours to make. Seconds to comment.**

 **PLEASE REVIEW.**


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